Complaining? Or "Being Real"?

I've been contemplating something this week.

I have read a lot of books, and if there is one thing that comes off poorly in a novel, it is someone who complains and whines a lot.

I don't like complaining or whining either, and indeed there is a Scripture that says something like, "Do everything without arguing and complaining, so that you may be children of God in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."  (Hmmm, where IS that in the Word?  I'll have to find it later.)

So complaining and whining aren't good. BUT, I believe there can be a place at the opposite end of the pendulum where someone pastes on a happy face and pretends everything is fine even when it isn't. That bothers me.  I feel like that can be, in some ways, lying.  Deceptive.

So you know, when someone asks, "How are you doing?" and you are doing poorly, is it right to say, "Fine."?

Actually, I think it IS fine to say "fine" if the person is just asking without expecting an answer. That question is a ritual greeting in our culture, and no one really expects a serious response from someone when 2 people are passing quickly in a hallway.

But if it is a friend, or the person seems to really want to know, what do I say?

Because right now, I'm doing ... pretty well, but not great.  I don't feel wonderful and I am definitely getting hit with those pregnancy aches and pains, difficulty sleeping, digestive issues, etc. I'm also hormonal and that does funny things to my brain. 3 months to go, and those symptoms are not going away until she is born. 

I talked to a couple this week at church and felt guilty afterwards because in our 2 minute conversation, I didn't express well enough how HAPPY I am about the baby I am carrying.  This couple just had their first baby and seemed to really want to know how I was doing and I answered pretty honestly that I'm doing Ok, but struggling with some anxiety about the sleep deprivation that comes in the first 2 months. It IS tough, and I have the added concern that the C-section will be challenging. Daniel's was as I had a bladder tear and a fun filled week with a catheter (I really did NOT like that.)

I am afraid I did come off like I was whining though, and I regret it. This baby is completely worth every iota of nausea, aches, pains, and hormonal moments.  She is wonderful, a gift from God.

I think I might be erring on the side of "honesty" because it seems like people sometimes imply that if something is hard, then something is bad.  I read part of a truly appalling article this week (before stopping midway through) written by a woman who divorced her husband of many years because "she just wanted to be happy."  They had "grown apart" and she was tired of it, so she ditched her marriage.   She left 2 kids to deal with the devastation of an unwanted divorce, plus of course her husband.  All because she "wasn't happy".  Life sometimes isn't happy.  Marriage is hard, parenting is hard, pregnancy is hard. That doesn't mean any of those things are in any way BAD.  God can use hard experiences to help us grow.  He is using this pregnancy to teach me lessons that I should have learned 10 years ago, but I have to keep learning -- about how He is sufficient, about how I am loved and valued even when I can't do as much as I want to.

So...I guess what I want to convey is that this baby is awesome, AND pregnancy is hard for me.  I have medium difficulty pregnancies and plenty of people have a much harder time.  I'm not horribly nauseous the whole time, I have never had high blood pressure or any other enormous complications.  But still, pregnancy isn't EASY.  But we were personally led by the Lord to be open to a large family and the Lord has blessed us richly.

Not necessarily easy, but very very good.